Thank you for all your kind words of sympathy. It may seem strange to those who are not adoptive parents but you do begin to attach with your child as soon as you see their picture. You dream about "gotcha day". The first time they smile at you. The first time they allow you to touch them without screaming. The first time they let you console them. The first time they fall asleep in your arms. It is in so many ways like seeing your birth child in your ultrasound for the first time. Then, for months you dream about the day you will meet your baby.
The kids all dealt with Daniel's death in their own little way. They are all very sensitive and caring. I will never forget Ethan's response. He was very quiet and I could see tears in his eyes. He walked to his room and a few minutes later he came out with a small piece of paper and pencil. He sat down very quietly and intently at the kitchen counter. He began to draw. Then he asked how to spell Daniel. He handed me the small piece of paper and said he wanted to send it to the people who were with Daniel. He had drawn a picture of himself, Daniel, and Jesus. He drew a big sunshine on the next page. I can only think he was drawing the moment they would meet in Heaven.
We are praying that God will send us another little boy to love. I dare not get my hopes up. We had seen Daniel's picture for the first time five months ago and were still waiting on his file in order to proceed with the adoption. This is a unique relationship between our adoption agency and this orphanage. Because of this relationship our agency knows the children and has pictures before they receive the actual file. There are a couple of little boys on our agency's list, one that I have been smitten with from the beginning. Unfortunately, they are ones the agency has not received files on. Since we have already commited to Lily we have a time restraint in which we can add a second child. We know that it will all work in God's perfect timing. Trying to keep myself busy and not think about it.