(SERIOUSLY I WROTE A LONG POST IN GREAT DETAIL AND JUST LOST HALF OF IT)

Finally taking time to sit down and work out my thoughts. I am going to focus this post on our sweet Faith. Faith is from China and has a repaired cleft lip and palate. Her cleft was pretty significant and was not repaired until she was 16 months old. She joined our family when she was 20 months old and has been a part of our family for 2 years now.

I am going to start with a little background information and then talk about my recent struggles parenting Faith. On Faith's referral paperwork it was obvious that she was the "outcast" of the orphanage. Every picture we saw of Faith she was crying or had what we call a flat affect. When we went to pick her up we were told that she cried for the entire 5 hour train ride. We sent an update and pictures to the orphanage not long after we brought Faith home. We were happy to receive an email from the director in response. She stated that it made her happy to see Faith smiling. She did not think Faith would ever find a home where she would be happy.

Over the last two years I have described Faith as quirky with some annoying habits. Many times I have said she has the "dumb blond syndrome". (I am blond so I can say that) She has a significant speech delay which is obvious but I kept saying to myself we are still missing something. Well, my frustration in parenting Faith has escalated in the last 6 months. I am not going to go into details because frankly I don't have the energy. (THIS IS THE POINT WHERE I LOST THE REST OF THE POST AND I AM NOT GOING TO REWRITE ALL OF IT)

So, last week I had an "Aha moment" when I filled out a Sensory Processing Disorder Checklist. Faith scored high in hypersensitivity to touch, poor muscle tone and coordination, hyposensitivity to sounds, hypersensitivity to smells, auditory-language processing dysfunction, and emotional dysfunction. It feels good to understand why Faith is Faith.

Now comes the hard part, getting official testing and a therapist to help "us". I use "us" because it is not just for Faith. I am going to need some serious training on how to help Faith and not just react to her. I tend to react out of frustration with Faith and that is NOT WORKING for us.

If anyone has any reading suggestions on this topic I would appreciate your recommendations.

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME

I have so much I want to write about but we have been very busy. At the end of the day I just don't have the emotional energy to sit and write about it. I really hope I can sit down in the next couple of days and fill you in on what's been happening at our house.

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!!!

SPRING TIME FUN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAITH FU XIANG

Update on previous post

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good news is that Faith's dental procedure was better than last time. Still traumatic but the sedation worked a little better this time.

The Bad news I had to take Jacob to the emergency room early this morning. He has Pneumonia!

The Ugly news is I now have Psoriasis on my face and it is not pretty. I have struggled with keeping my Psoriasis under control since I was 10 years old. I have managed to keep it off my face until now. Oh well, God created me beautiful and special!!!

Life is Busy and I am Tired

So far the month of March has been a little overwhelming. The first week of March we had the girls appointment with the International Adoption Clinic. Faith also went to the Cranial-Facial Clinic that week. Both of those appointments lasted about 4 hours each. Along with that we had two kids with ear infections and the rest with colds.

Last week we had Jacob's IFSP meeting with First Steps, Sera had a hearing test done, and Jacob went to the ENT. Had to throw in a last minute DR appointment for Sera because she had really bad diarrhea from the medication she was taking for her ear infection. Oh, and on Friday we got the girls tests results back and the both have Giardia.

This week we had Neurology on Monday for Sera and Faith has a dental procedure tomorrow morning. The week seemed quite so we decided to throw in a lice infestation. I was surprised to discover yesterday that Miranda's head was covered. Then last night finally found lice on Grace's head. Grace had been complaining of her head itching since the day we picked her up. We looked, the DR looked, but we could not find anything but dry scalp. Those suckers are hard to find on black curly hair. So I have spent the last two days dealing with those little buggers.

Next week Jacob has his Adenoids and Tonsils removed on Monday. Faith has her annual physical on Tuesday and Sera sees the eye specialist on Thursday. Sera also has to go have blood work done while we are at the clinic on Thursday.

Plus we have to add in our weekly therapy appointments

Monday - Faith(Speech) outside the home so the whole process is about 3 hours
Wednesday - Sera & Jacob have OT and Jacob also has PT (3 hours total)
Thursday - Sera & Jacob have Speech and PT (4 hours total)

There are days when my mercy runs out and I sit in my closet with the door closed and cry. Most days I feel like nothing gets done. Some days I throw my hands in the air and ask, "what am I doing?" BUT then I remember Matthew 25:35-45

A Typical Night in our Home

Last night I had all the kids asleep by 8:00p.m. It had been a busy weekend and they were exhausted. Then like clockwork Faith woke up crying and coughing around 8:30. This happens almost every night. I grab her out of bed(before she wakes the entire house with her crying) and take her to my bedroom. I have to turn on the lights, stand her in the floor and talk in a loud voice to wake her up good. Her dreams always have something to do with monkeys. Still have not figured that one out. Once she calms down I give her a drink and off to bed again. Sometimes this will happen 1 or 2 more times before midnight, then she will sleep through the night.

If I remember correctly Gabriel was also up two times before midnight last night. We assume he is also having nightmares. We are never able to get him to tell us what is wrong. He is obviously upset and disoriented when he wakes. A few hugs and a drink and he is back in bed.

I think I went to bed around 11:00. Shortly after that Jacob started crying. I held him until he went back to sleep. Back to bed again but not for long. Probably 30-45 minutes later Jacob was up again. We went back and forth doing this about 3 times then I just decided to sleep on the couch. He has a cold and has a really hard time breathing at night so I slept holding him in the recliner the rest of the night.

Surprisingly, Ethan did not get up last night. Ethan, our biological son, is 4 years old and I can count on one hand the number of nights he has slept through the night since he was born.

Jacob was up by 6:00a.m and Faith by 6:30. The fun begins AGAIN!!!

Being "REAL"

The Holy Spirit must really be on the move and doing some big stuff. Just in the last couple of days I have heard several people mention the need to be "REAL". It is crazy, the last two days I have really struggled with the fact that I feel like I always need to have on the happy, everything is great face. Well, I hate to brake it to you but everything is not always happy and great at my house. LIFE IS HARD and this week has been very trying. I think many times I feel the need to keep things private because of the people who like to say, "you brought it upon yourself" or "maybe you have gotten in over your head".

Honestly, I am tired of trying to be the perfect mom, wife and keeper of my home. It is exhausting!! I am just me, a child of God, who just wants to do what God has called me to. I want to love my husband the best I can. I want to train up my children in the ways of our Heavenly Father. I want to support and minister to my friends and neighbors. I want to care for the least in my community and across the world. I just want to be who God created me to be. I DO NOT want to be "perfect" in the eyes of the world but I AM "perfect" in the eyes of MY CREATOR.

So, that being said the next couple of days I am going to get "REAL" about life in our home. BUT I also want to make sure that I say even though I am exhausted, frustrated, and sometimes feel beaten down I would not change my life for anything. God created me for "such a time as this". He did not create me to live a comfortable, easy life without trials and troubles. I am not throwing a pity party for myself and I don't want sympathy. I just want everyone to know the "REAL" me and my "REAL" life.

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME

This is what happens when mommy leaves the room. Who knew two little boys could make such a mess in such a short period of time!!

Family Picture

I love to watch him sleep, relaxed and peaceful.

As I watch him sleep I dream about "his perfect body" he will some day have in Heaven. I can picture him running through tall green grass and swimming in a lake.

As I watch him sleep I grieve for him. While he sleeps is the only time his little body can relax. When he is awake he has to constantly fight against his body to make the smallest movement.

As I watch him sleep I pray for him. I pray for a miracle.

As I watch him sleep I praise God for creating him.