Tuesday, January 10, 2012

(Picture taken by Nina Mullins Photography)

I love this child so much, sometimes I honestly feel like my heart will burst.  You will rarely see me without him.  If we are in public and he can’t find me, you will find a panicked look on his face and the screaming soon begins.  None of my other children have had significant “attachment” issues when they are dropped off for Sunday School or taken to a friends for a play date.   Any time I tried to leave Jacob with someone he screamed most of the time I was gone.   He is better about staying with his daddy and my parents.  WOOHOO!!   Many friends and family have said, “you really need to have time alone”.  Therapists have said, “you really need to get Jacob involved in some programs so he can become more independent”. 

It really got me thinking about Jacob’s dependence on me.  Jacob is a smart little boy.  He understands most of what you say.  He is very aware of his surroundings.  Sadly, Jacob is unable to verbalize his needs.  Imagine this.  You are a 4 year old child.  You are unable to do anything for yourself.  You are stuck in a chair and cannot move anything except your head and you have some movement in your arms.  You understand EVERYTHING that is going on around you.  You can not feed yourself.  You can’t even tell anyone when you are hungry.  You can not yell when you are choking.  You can not tell anyone when your diaper needs changed.  You can’t tell anyone when something scares you.  You can’t ask anyone to play with you. 

HOWEVER, there is ONE person in the whole world who understands your language.  This person can tell when you are hungry.  This person can tell when you are about to choke and need assistance.  This person knows when something is around that will scare you.  Remember you are four years old, you are stuck in a chair, and you cannot speak.  How would you feel if you needed something and that ONE person was not around?  SCARED?  FRUSTRATED?  PANICKED? 

So until my son has a voice I am very content to be by his side when he needs me.  I am his mom and that’s what a mom does. 

We are very excited that Jacob received an ipad and we are currently working on setting up a communication program for him.  We have tried other communication devices but they were too complicated and too big to carry around when we leave the house.  I can’t wait to see my son independent and confident.  It will probably be one of the highlights of my life. 



  1. Beautiful, precious.....I have been a blog follower of yours for a while and I just have to tell you that you and your family have been in my heart. I am a Doctoral student in Special Education and have seen the frustration in my students so many times. Having a voice but not able to "voice" their needs and thoughts. If you do not mind, can I suggest a book I have read about 3 times. It is call Out of my Mind by Sharon Draper.

  2. Well said! You are the expert on your child and need to do what is best for him and your family.

    keep up the good work, mommy!